So, i find myself here again. Fifteen months since my last post, a period where a lot has happend in so many parts of my life.
This is probably one of the hardest parts of what i to do in the relationship i have with Mistress Diva. To expose my feelings in this way i find very hard and am probably a typical Aries in that respect.
i suppose i had best try to summarise the last two years really but even that will be very hard to do but i will do my best.
It was and to a very large degree, still is, one of the biggest regrets in my life that i could not make my collaring to Mistress Diva work. Whilst i really thought i went into it with my eyes very wide open and was confident in myself that i was prepared for everything, the reality was of course that i was not. There was no way i could find the balence needed between Mistress Diva, work and family. The option i took of course was the most stupid. To run the way i did, to waste Mistress Divas time in that way was really not forgivable. However, the most surprising outcome of all this, to me in any event, is that i feel my submssion to Mistress Diva is now stronger than ever before. i have, over the last two years or so, become a far more confident submissive. The need to session, in the way i used to, has gone, yet i feel so much more satisfied with life. Something that i only really used to get after a session with a Mistress. But most importantly, i allow myself to accept that my submission belongs to Mistress Diva and no-one else. i know that soon, i will want to take this further and session in a more formal manner with Mistress Diva. This is a massive step mentally.
Over the last few years, i have started to go out more and more to fetish clubs. This is, more often than not, with Mistress Diva and usually other friends of Hers. The cynical side of me (yes that does exist) used to just say that i was only there becuase i had a big car. But the reality is so very different. The feelings i have, when i walk into the club with Mistress Diva are so hard to describe. i feel so good.. i hate to say proud as it almost a sinful emotion but i am that.. proud to be with Mistress Diva and Her submissive for the evening. Mistress Diva may or may not play with me whilst out. i never go with the expectation of doing so but when it does happen, well again it is a feeling that She wants to and i happily accept this. But the thing that has happened most recently is one that i feel so good about.
People do not do anything without some thought, especially in the world of BDSM. The thing that has happend, most recently (well the last two times of going out) is that i go out collared. This, to me, is a massive change. Whereas before, i was a submissive with Mistress Diva, the dynamic has now changed. i am one Her collared slaves and belong to Her. i find myself happy to kneel at Her side, to be there when needed. The feeling it generates inside me is immense and at first it was overwhelming. Trying to explain this so someone recently, i found it hard to put my emotions into words such was the feeling of happiness i had.
The biggest thing of course is that i have, in Mistress Diva, not only found a Mistress who i want to submit totally to, but have also found a Mistress with whom i can talk to and be the Mistress i want to be with.
