24 Hours to Serve Her

Well, I made it. Mistress has written to me and confirmed acceptance of my submission to Her and my continued service. The three month anniversary actually occurred on the 10th of January, 1.00pm but hey.. whose counting!

To celebrate that, Mistress asked me to spend 24 hours with Her, starting at midday on the 10th where i was to meet Her in London after Her attendance at a club the previous night. So, that's as good a place to start as any.

It had been three weeks since i'd last seen Mistress. Actually, that's not strictly true. We did speak over skype one night during the Christmas and New Year period but that was not as successful as either of us had hoped to due to connection issues etc. But in person, there had been a three week hiatus and this bought that to an end.

We had an busy day ahead with Mistress wanting to get some new stockings from What Katie Did over on Portobello Road, have some lunch (instructions - chicken or fish and healthy salad) and then if time permitted to the Wellcome Collection for the Institute of Sexology. Finally, off to the apartment we had for the evening.

Most of this went well even if we did traverse London from East to West and back East again. But that's the life i choose and i have no complaints, Eventually, we ended back at the apartment where we had drink, some light snacks and where we planned to consummate the anniversary with my submission.

I had previously been forewarned by Mistress that She was packing various weapons and toys, including one of Her larger strapons, commonly known as Goldicock which I'd be entertaining. But that was to come much later.

Now, i could just end it here and use the age old excuse of not wanting to describe in detail what happened between us. But where's the fun in that!! So I'll see how things go.

We started of talking. A lot. About a lot of things but mainly about the last three months and what my feelings were etc. I'm pretty open and honest about these sort of things. My feeling are pretty well known to Mistress and as i've previously written this was not a quick decision to submit but was the end result of a lot of chats and days out to get to know one another. Of course, i wanted to know more about how i was doing etc and how i was dealing with things. Eventually though and quite naturally, i went off to get myself ready for what i knew was about to happen.

Presenting myself to Mistress, i surprised myself by also presenting my collar to Her for me to wear. Now, the collar is quite a difficult topic for me as i have, unsurprisingly i guess, quite strong views on this, feeling as i do that the significance of the collar is sometimes lost when they are given so willingly and quickly to a submissive. Mistress and i had discussed this at great length but did agree that a collar for when we were out at events, to show that i was not available rather than actually collared was appropriate and it was this i presented. It seemed natural and the correct thing to do. Plus, it matched the fetching pair of red silk briefs i had on from xdress, bought especially for this evening.

Can I just say this now. I am not a pussy.. I really can deal with pain but i have never encountered anyone who can squeeze my nipples as hard as Mistress. Really.. no-one. It's painful, makes me squirm and Mistress, knowing this, just does it more! Ok, that's out of the way. But wow.. my nipples came under attack from tooth and nail for some time until we ended up on the bed, me tied down, arse up for the assault that was going to take place. That I won't really bore you with, but we moved from the bed where i was fucked, electrocuted and generally used to the pulled out sofa bed where it continued some time afterwards with Goldicock. But eventually, all good things come to an end and i was untied, allowed to clean myself up and rest. Sleep eventually came, no torture during the night and eventually morning.

Now, here's the thing. i have yet to leave Mistress, when spending any time with Her in the last three months, without being beaten and of course this was going to be no exception. i just waited for this to happen whilst Mistress got Herself ready. Then of course, i was summoned and told to choose a weapon. Not much choice.. all were going to hurt so i took the cowards choice and presented the whip, the martinet and the quirt to Mistress. i was not to know what had been selected until the first hit. This was new. Not quite single tail, not as intense as the martinet and not as thuddy as a flogger. But a sharp, biting pain. i don't count the blows. i've never been asked to and to what end. I'm not allowed to ask for it to stop so i stand and accept what is given to me but for this i found myself wanting it to end. Then i realised, i was not letting go and when i did, it was easier to deal with and when the impact was harder, i found myself able to accept what was being meted out to me. My back felt hot and marked. But here's the rub. The next day, there were little or no marks. No reminder of what had happened to celebrate this small anniversary and my passing into acceptance by Mistress.

And that brings me to the point of this post i guess. The reminder does not have to be physical. Even now, writing this, i can remember minute details of what happened during the 24 hours of service and it's that memory that i will cherish rather than the vanity of looking in the mirror at a marked back acting as a reminder.

We did eventually leave the apartment and headed over to London Fetish Fair, rather earlier than i have ever been before for a quick shopping trip before taking Mistress to the train station and Her journey home. Our time together, for now, had come to and end and i went back to whatever life i call normal.

So, what did I learn. Well, i learnt that tea-cups have to be placed with the handle at 4 o'clock to the recipient and the spoon placed across the top of the saucer. I confirmed to myself that i can relax (not in a tardy way) with Mistress and just give myself to Her. i learnt that Mistress thought i was a pussy! But most of all, i learnt that this was the best thing to happen for a long time and right now, i don't want it to stop.

Three months in..

Well, here we are. It's 2015 already and I'm as excited as I've ever been about upcoming events in my life.

First some updates. Just over a year ago, November 2013, I was at a fetish party held by a good friend. Lot's of people I knew, as ever, but also a lot of new faces. Seems that it had turned into a bit of an after party for Pedestal and quite a few people had come from that. In particular, one person, a Mistress as it happens, stood out with a certain calmness, a sense of who She really was, amongst the usual drunk, stoned and generally fucked up crowd that gathered at these particular parties.

So of course, billy brave here had to talk to this Mistress whom he'd never seen before. And I'll say now, so glad I did. That conversation just intrigued me. We seemed to share a common view on fetish and BDSM, knew a lot of the same people but had just not really encountered each other before. From that meeting, we had a few chats over social media, then informally met up at Pedestal, another party, went out to some other vanilla events and in October last year, I finally gave my submission to Mistress and this was formally accepted by Her.

And what a whirlwind the last 3 months have been! I have truly rediscovered my passion for BDSM, my love of fetish and my desire to be hurt. Best of all though is that Mistress shares all my passions and then some. For the first time in just so many years, I know this is not a game. The is very real and my submission goes beyond just a session every now and then. My life is becoming intertwined with Hers, my needs are subjugated to Hers, i find myself thinking of how i can make Her life easier.

And here we are, at the three month point and we meet this weekend. There has been an implied, but not defined, probation period for the past three months. I have joked that we have both been on probation but it's also been made clear that I'm not allowed to quit! This is a serious lifestyle commitment that i have to make work alongside my normal life. And I'll be honest, there are times when it's a challenge to accommodate my work life and my submission together. I have always traveled for my job and whilst this has eased back in the last year, the indications are that it will increase over the next 12-18 months. i won't always be around at the weekends or other times i'm required. But i try to make to work and so far seem to be able to do so.

All that aside, i will confess to being happier than i have been for a long time. Once again my body regularly carries the marks of being beaten, of having needles puncture my flesh or (Mistresses favourite) staples punched into my body and of course, being the masochist i am, i just crave more or the same. But it's also a feeling of trust when i am with Mistress that i have only really felt a few times in my life. I trust Her to know when i am at my limit, to know when i can be pushed further and to take me there. i am used as Mistress pleases, when She pleases and i could want for nothing more, well.. actually i just want more.

i've no idea what the next three months will be like, More of the same of no doubt, Saying that, no two encounters with Mistress have been the same. Each time brings its own unique intensity and passion. But i'm sure that i will be taken deeper into submitting to Mistress and my life will continue to change and evolve as i submit.

Chastity, Chastity, they all want my chastity..

As you will have previously read (those that have read previous posts that is) I have mixed views on chastity. From saying I'll never do it, through to being locked up for several weeks and here I am again, having just had a week of locked up chastity, which followed a week of self enforced chastity to now, something much worse!

Let me explain. I have recently entered into a new D/s relationship with who I can only really describe as the most amazing Mistress. We've known each other for about a year and i started formal submission about 2 months ago.

Well, a few weeks ago, a weekend retreat was held and i was invited to attend, which i did. I was also asked to bring with me my chastity device and to not feel nervous. All well and good. But then, I was also told to not masturbate for a week prior to the event. I've always found self regulated chastity one of the more difficult tasks. It's all about will-power of course and the hope that at the end some relief will be given. But a week I managed and of course, I was locked up on the Friday. No relief for me then.

The retreat ended and, in a foolish expectation I would be released, I was duly informed that I would be spending a week locked up, until Mistress and I met again on the following Friday. Oh joy. As I've previously written on the things I hate about chastity, it comes as no surprise that I was not jumping with joy. But again, a week I managed and was duly released on the Friday. Then I was given a new rule. I was no allowed to masturbate, but only on a Monday and a Friday and then only under instruction from Mistress. This was a new twist for me. From just wanking whenever, to no wanking and now intermittent wanking. But I accepted it as something was better than nothing.

The first Friday, I was given 8 minutes to masturbate. No more, no less. I managed 7. First fail.

The next Monday. Given 8 minutes again. But.. thanks to interuptions, no orgasm achieved in timescale. 2nd fail,

The following Friday. Mistress takes me in hand. I have no chance of cumming! Third fail

Monday just gone. Success.! So, in 4 weeks, I have had one orgasm. One. A single solitary ejaculation. This from a possible (when wanking was free) 28.

Chastity. It seems I'll never be far away from the next time my cock is locked up or just not allowed to wank. It sounds as if I am complaining about this. But reality it, I am so happy to be serving Mistress that this is a very small issue and one that I deal with. I may joke and laugh about it, but there is a serious side as it shows that I can control myself, can take orders and can respect Mistresses wishes and desires. I've no idea how long this will go on for though and know from experience not to ask.

Update - 6th December.

It's now 5 weeks and 2 orgasms. I forgot one on the first day of the Monday & Friday regime. Last night, a Friday was another fail, Mistress has an unerring knack of knowing when I'm going to be interrupted and not able to cum.

Update - 8th December

Finally was allowed an orgasm on Monday. No instructions, no directions. Give a free hand, so to speak Score now 3 in 5 weeks. But whose counting.. !

Sensing

i can feel You watching me, waiting to see what i will say or do next in my desire to serve You. It is as if there is a cord from Your pc to mine, making sure i am always there when You tug it, pulling me to You, keeping me close but at the same time, letting me have enough freedom to live my life.

The desire to open up, to expose my soul becomes stronger each day and soon the day will come when i have no option but to break down the wall i keep in front of me that hides my feelings and emotions. That day will be the day i have no more sense of self, but at the same time will have a total sense of who and what i am.

That sickening feeling

You try to stay away, to not look at the PC but the desire is there, the hope that you have a message from someone who all of a sudden is special to you. Constantly pressing refresh to see if a message is waiting that has not been notified to your email. You want approval, you desire contact and hope beyond hope that something is there for you.

Each time nothing, but still you hope that perhaps you will have something to hang on to.

Addiction is probably the nearest thing that describes it and being able to control it is not yet an option.

Male Submission Art

My new favourite website thanks to Eileen and maymay. 

Male Submission Art

A new situation

I find myself in a new situation, quite unexpectedly and time will tell how it develops and whether i have the stamina to stay. I feel I cannot say to much but am sure that I will be able to say more later as it develops as, having already disclosed this blog to Her, it could well become the vehicle for expressing more of my thoughts to Her, but that is not guaranteed.

Slipping away

One day, you suddenly wake up and bang.. you find yourself missing something very important in you life.

For the past few weeks, I have found myself thus. Not really knowing what it was, unable to put a finger on what it was. Then I realised. It is contact. Contact with the Person who gives a lot of my life meaning. But of course, that is the easy part, realising what is missing. The hard part is understanding why it is missing, why have I have not been able to keep in contact as I should. That takes longer, demands deeper thought and diving deeper into yourself. To admit that the reason there has been no contact is to admit that something has occurred and the fault lies with me. It is always up to me, rightly so, to keep contact with Mistress. As Her slave, I should never have anything that I cannot discuss with Mistress. But of course, we are just human and some things I find hard to discuss with even myself. So we have somewhere like this where I can put my thoughts and feelings down freely.

For the first time in a long time I find myself wanting to session, in a professional way, with Mistress. This is a feeling that over recent weeks has become stronger and stronger. Time is the biggest barrier of course, but I will deal with that. To submit to the flogger, the whip and of course show my servitude in any way Mistress desires is now uppermost in my mind, but even that brings a sense of guilt as part of me has forgotten what it is like to session properly and there is a hesitation, even a fear to do so. Totally irrational of course, just my own internal issues and hang-ups.

I do feel at times very mixed up. I know, or at least I hope, that I could have a lot more time with Mistress if I were able. But my other life, my real life so to speak, is very demanding at the moment (excuses I know but also reality). I want to go out to more clubs and parties as there is not shortage of invites. But this I also know will never happen unless I make changes in my life that will affect to many others and I am I honest I cannot really ever see happening.

I would say I am not usually down-beat and depressed but today is one of those days. Just a winging sub I am sure you say. Just the facts of life I say.

Poetry

A quiet whisper is all I need

A firm touch which dispels my fears.

 

Your possessive touch I so desire.

A spirit has touched me and I now heal.

 

The touch which strokes my body and soul.

Makes me whole, no longer lost.

 

My thoughts no longer confuse me.

In your hands, my eyes open and for the first time I do see.

 

My whispers are soft and gentle spoken in the simple word.

For the entire world to see, submissive thoughts to be heard.