Extreme Porn

Two interesting articles appeared in yesterdays Independent newspaper here and here. They are both on the same subject, i.e the upcoming legislation on the possession of offensive images but both are on opposite sides of the coin.

Personally, I fully agree with Jerome Taylor who has, previously looked at the way BDSM is portrayed in the UK media. He seems to be quite in synch with the way most people within the BDSM and fetish scene think whilst Deborah Orr would seem to be a mouthpiece for the moral majority and Christian Right!

Her argument that we already have laws in place that restrict behaviour in BDSM, whilst correct, seem to be that they are fit and proper laws and completely disregard the work done by Spanner over many years to get the laws overturned. The UK has some of the most draconian laws in place that relate to consensual sexual behaviour and the new laws coming in are, sadly, another set of badly written statutes that were done with emotion rather than logic.

I, with many others, now wonder if our own personal collection of porn is legal or not and I suspect a lot of disk formatting will be going on over the next few weeks.

BDSM Gadgets

By typing BDSM into the Addictomatic website, I came across a fantastic posting from the gizmondo website!

I particularly like the Master R's four poster play-frame and am seriously tempted to purchase one for my own bedroom to play more at home! Imagine the pleasure of having one and of course the hidden pleasure of vanilla friends not really knowing what you had in your bedroom when they came around!

A Christmas Poem

Nothing to do with fetish or BDSM but still poignant and probably my favourite Christmas poem.

Advent 1955

The Advent wind begins to stir
With sea-like sounds in our Scotch fir,
It's dark at breakfast, dark at tea,
And in between we only see
Clouds hurrying across the sky
And rain-wet roads the wind blows dry
And branches bending to the gale
Against great skies all silver pale
The world seems travelling into space,
And travelling at a faster pace
Than in the leisured summer weather
When we and it sit out together,
For now we feel the world spin round
On some momentous journey bound -
Journey to what? to whom? to where?
The Advent bells call out 'Prepare,
Your world is journeying to the birth
Of God made Man for us on earth.'

And how, in fact, do we prepare
The great day that waits us there -
For the twenty-fifth day of December,
The birth of Christ? For some it means
An interchange of hunting scenes
On coloured cards, And I remember
Last year I sent out twenty yards,
Laid end to end, of Christmas cards
To people that I scarcely know -
They'd sent a card to me, and so
I had to send one back. Oh dear!
Is this a form of Christmas cheer?
Or is it, which is less surprising,
My pride gone in for advertising?
The only cards that really count
Are that extremely small amount
From real friends who keep in touch
And are not rich but love us much
Some ways indeed are very odd
By which we hail the birth of God.

We raise the price of things in shops,
We give plain boxes fancy tops
And lines which traders cannot sell
Thus parcell'd go extremely well
We dole out bribes we call a present
To those to whom we must be pleasant
For business reasons. Our defence is
These bribes are charged against expenses
And bring relief in Income Tax
Enough of these unworthy cracks!
'The time draws near the birth of Christ'.
A present that cannot be priced
Given two thousand years ago
Yet if God had not given so
He still would be a distant stranger
And not the Baby in the manger.

Hypno Domination

I have long held a curiosity about the while Hypno Domme thing and what it entailed. Mainly I think out of my seemingly endless desire to try new things of a sexual and BDSM flavour. But, like a lot of things I had not gotten round to it just yet. It seems to be widely practiced (with a large number of online Mistresses seeming to offer it) and a few Pro-Dommes I know personally would seem to have it as part of their repertoire.

However, quite how I am not sure, I came across this blog from Mindfields College. Watching some of the video clips on it, and listening to the very clear presentation, it has without doubt put me 100% off the idea. When you start to realise that that actually, a lot of what is said by hypno-therapists is just there to cover the unknown, it is something to be very wary of. The ability to access my deepest consciousness is not really something I want to happen. It is worth looking at the couple of videos on the page if you are considering seeing a Hypno-Domme as it will make you want to ask many questions I am sure.

When did I become so needy!!

It sort of crept up on me without warning. But suddenly, I found myself needy. I crave contact, anything from Mistress. I need to know she has read my message, that my words have pleased her. But nothing...no response, no indication. Then of course the self doubt creeps in and with that the fears and feelings that soon it will all be over despite assurances that nothing has changed, that things will go on and only get better.

I have never been needy, but I suspect I have never felt this way about someone and to suddenly find myself in this situation is a new and complicated set of emotions.

The worse agony

I cannot count the hours I have spent on my knees in session and otherwise. Over the years it must add up to a days on end. Coupled with a love of skiing my knees have taken quite a battering over the years.

Yesterday, I woke up and as I straightened my leg I was in severe pain as I realised straight away that I had somehow twisted my knee. This is just to much and as I thought about it, hobbling around the house, I thought that this is probably the worse thing that can happen to a submissive. How can I adopt the position of submission with a screwed up knee!

I am awaiting an appointment to the physio who hopefully will sort it out but until then, kneeling is not on the agenda.

You can be a Pro and still be in charge

I love this post by Ms Slide. To me, it is the best definition of the relationship between a Professional Mistress and a paying submissive I have seen. So many posts you see out there seem to argue that because the client pays he (and it usually a he) is in effect topping and controlling the session. But that argument has never felt right to me and Ms Slide, better than anyone, has shown me why.

Whilst Bitchy Jones (whose blog I really do like) rants on often about Pro-Dommes and why in her view they are wrong, Ms Slide has offered up a view that makes sense and shows that females are still in charge.

Thank-you Ms Slide for the post.

Sensing

i can feel You watching me, waiting to see what i will say or do next in my desire to serve You. It is as if there is a cord from Your pc to mine, making sure i am always there when You tug it, pulling me to You, keeping me close but at the same time, letting me have enough freedom to live my life.

The desire to open up, to expose my soul becomes stronger each day and soon the day will come when i have no option but to break down the wall i keep in front of me that hides my feelings and emotions. That day will be the day i have no more sense of self, but at the same time will have a total sense of who and what i am.

That sickening feeling

You try to stay away, to not look at the PC but the desire is there, the hope that you have a message from someone who all of a sudden is special to you. Constantly pressing refresh to see if a message is waiting that has not been notified to your email. You want approval, you desire contact and hope beyond hope that something is there for you.

Each time nothing, but still you hope that perhaps you will have something to hang on to.

Addiction is probably the nearest thing that describes it and being able to control it is not yet an option.

Male Submission Art

My new favourite website thanks to Eileen and maymay. 

Male Submission Art

A new situation

I find myself in a new situation, quite unexpectedly and time will tell how it develops and whether i have the stamina to stay. I feel I cannot say to much but am sure that I will be able to say more later as it develops as, having already disclosed this blog to Her, it could well become the vehicle for expressing more of my thoughts to Her, but that is not guaranteed.

Does being dominant make you a domme?

I was reading an ad on one of the myriad of contact sites recently and one struck me in the words used by the poster - "I do like to be a very dominat woman!" (her spelling of the word not mine). I thought that in certain circumstances I like to be a very dominant man as well but that does not mean I want to be a Dom. Far from it. So, just because someone is dominant does that mean they make a good Domme. It is an essential quality?

Personally, I look for other qualities - extroverted but not aggressive, controlling but not overbearing, decisive but not impetuous, consistent, confident, honest and open, persuasive, caring, responsible, having a strong sense of self. But, if I look at this list I also see that a lot of this applies to myself. So where does the line divide between being submissive and being dominant when, to me, we seem to share many of the same characteristics. I suspect it is the desire to hand over that control and for someone to accept it and take control of someone who that defines the difference. That is the defining quality of each of us in this lifestyle

Out of the blue

Quite unexpected, I had an email on Monday from an old friend who I used to play with. We stopped because she fell in love with a 'nilla guy and wanted to devote to him. But now, 5 years later she finds herself single again because he turned out to be unable to keep his cock in his pants.

My dilemma is that I deep down I loved this person and if the chance was there (which it now seems it was) would have asked her out and had bf/gf type stuff. But that is as was. Now, she wants to get back into the fetish life and asked if I would fancy a play session with her to take some pictures for her new website etc. Of course, being the slut I am, I said yes. But now, almost a week later, I suddenly find myself hesitant in my decision as I feel that I am just there to give her something she wants rather than for us both to get something out of it.

Am I being to picky? I have on offer the chance to get flogged, hurt and buggered, to spend a good few minutes tied up and pretty much anything else I feel like doing. But there is the rub. It is what I feel like doing rather than being told what to do. I will not be submitting - I will be directing and that is what takes the pleasure away from me.

Sadly, I know in my mind what I will end up doing as I am just a slut who likes to play. But I suspect it will be the end of a friendship that went away and briefly came back again for the wrong reasons.

Slipping away

One day, you suddenly wake up and bang.. you find yourself missing something very important in you life.

For the past few weeks, I have found myself thus. Not really knowing what it was, unable to put a finger on what it was. Then I realised. It is contact. Contact with the Person who gives a lot of my life meaning. But of course, that is the easy part, realising what is missing. The hard part is understanding why it is missing, why have I have not been able to keep in contact as I should. That takes longer, demands deeper thought and diving deeper into yourself. To admit that the reason there has been no contact is to admit that something has occurred and the fault lies with me. It is always up to me, rightly so, to keep contact with Mistress. As Her slave, I should never have anything that I cannot discuss with Mistress. But of course, we are just human and some things I find hard to discuss with even myself. So we have somewhere like this where I can put my thoughts and feelings down freely.

For the first time in a long time I find myself wanting to session, in a professional way, with Mistress. This is a feeling that over recent weeks has become stronger and stronger. Time is the biggest barrier of course, but I will deal with that. To submit to the flogger, the whip and of course show my servitude in any way Mistress desires is now uppermost in my mind, but even that brings a sense of guilt as part of me has forgotten what it is like to session properly and there is a hesitation, even a fear to do so. Totally irrational of course, just my own internal issues and hang-ups.

I do feel at times very mixed up. I know, or at least I hope, that I could have a lot more time with Mistress if I were able. But my other life, my real life so to speak, is very demanding at the moment (excuses I know but also reality). I want to go out to more clubs and parties as there is not shortage of invites. But this I also know will never happen unless I make changes in my life that will affect to many others and I am I honest I cannot really ever see happening.

I would say I am not usually down-beat and depressed but today is one of those days. Just a winging sub I am sure you say. Just the facts of life I say.

Informed Consent - Decades of Feminism

A recent thread on the UK BDSM board Informed Consent is discussing why bondage porn is still predominatly showing images of females tied up.

A great response is made by Ms Slide and and added to here on her blog. What I did not find surprising is who made the most outspoken comment regarding feminism but also the tone of the argument but of course, I do find myself agreeing with it. Just waiting for Bitchy Jones to give us her view and expect even more outspokenness than that of Ms Tytania.

I don't particularly like BDSM porn per-se (unless I am in it,  which of course is different!!) as mostly is it fairly repetitive and as already said tends to feature females in suffering rather than females inflicting the suffering, unless of course it is lesbian BDSM porn which I generally avoid.

Unfortunately, until more women watch and control the production of porn, it will not change in terms of the way females are depicted. Of course, if less men bought porn, that may also change the status quo but of course, the chances of that happening are pretty much nil!

Poetry

A quiet whisper is all I need

A firm touch which dispels my fears.

 

Your possessive touch I so desire.

A spirit has touched me and I now heal.

 

The touch which strokes my body and soul.

Makes me whole, no longer lost.

 

My thoughts no longer confuse me.

In your hands, my eyes open and for the first time I do see.

 

My whispers are soft and gentle spoken in the simple word.

For the entire world to see, submissive thoughts to be heard.

One hours extra fun

The clocks change on Sunday morning at 2am when it becomes, as if magic, 1am!

I will be at Club Smack so that should mean an extra hour or debauchery and fun to be had. Oh what fun.

What's going on in America?

Two of my favourite blogs have recently gone... Miss Troy Orleans and Miss Victoria X. I wonder if this is coincidence or a reflection of the recent police activity in New York with the raid on well known houses of BDSM.

The perfect Goddess

I was asked recently to write about a 1000 words on what I thought described the perfect Goddess (Goddess worship being a very relevant topic in my life at the moment). This is what I came up with

A Goddess has very special attributes. A Goddess is there to be worshipped, venerated and adored. Her orders and wishes are to be obeyed without question, without hesitation and if you adore a Goddess it becomes you place to satisfy the desires of the Goddess and that is all the matters in your life.

Are there typical physical attributes for a Goddess? Well, the quick answer is yes! But of course that is too simple. In reality each submissive has in his mind an image of a Goddess. For me, She would have to be tall. 5’8 or above I am guessing, as when She wears shoes, which of course would always have at least a 5” heel, She be an imposing tall figure, above my 5’10. She would be well proportioned. Her figure would stop traffic, the classic hour glass. She would always dress in such a way that women are envious and men are lustful. She epitomises sex and of course uses this to control men to her advantage. But of course, those are just physical attributes. A Goddess is aware of Her divinity and has no need to demand worship as it is freely given by those who desire to serve. When near Her, you can feel and sense the power and know that this is someone very special.

There is of course the subject of Goddess Worship and what this entails and encompasses. Much of this, the need to worship the Goddess, the desire to submit and feel you are at Her mercy comes from the sense of being less than worthy, but not from having no sense of worth. A Goddess, in my mind, would never want a worthless subject.

Worship has at least two meanings . Back in ye olden days men loved their ‘maiden faire’ and worshipped her for that, but for me there’s another kind and that is to surrender to Her as a divinity. And it is of course the latter that concerns us here. There are so many different ways to "worship" a Goddess. Some are traditional ways that many slaves are into, including me. The first and most obvious is worshipping someone as a deity, or at least a representative of a deity. In these scenes, the slave is a supplicant who prays to the Goddess asking for Her blessing and offer sacrifices and offerings to Her (often financial) including their pain and suffering.

Many slaves consider "worship" to signify sexual worship. However worship could well be interchanged with the term service and may well be somewhat interchangeable to many in the BDSM context, at least in how they play out, but I think the attitude of the slave is different when looking at service or worship. Service has the connotation of performing whatever the Goddess commands, whereas worship has more aspects of actively giving something to one who is above human demands.

So what do I mean by sexual worship? It really can be anything agreed upon by Goddess and slave, but for most people, the image that stands out is that of oral service, with no thought or expectation of release for the slave himself. The pleasure of the slave is in the giving and nothing is needed from the slave over and above that. There is something inherent in it that conjures up images of obeisance and even spirituality when the act is purely one of giving.

Some slaves (and again I count myself as amongst these) are also very much into strap-on "worship," which again usually involves oral service of the dildo. This is much more than just a simple blow job of an inanimate dildo; the attitude of the slave is all-important. They must approach the strap-on with proper respect and awe and show respect and obedience to it at all times, along with the requisite oral servicing.

The oral theme is not the only one in sexual worship. Some Goddesses consider actual intercourse to be a form of worship, if done in the proper submissive way. I don't hold with this approach and have never considered this an act of worship and to be fair, never will.

Besides straight-out sexual worship, there is a great deal of potential for sensual worship. This may be worshipful caressing, massaging, kissing, etc. over the entire body of the object of worship. This form of worship can be quite powerful, as it has connections with the longstanding tradition of kissing icons, relics and other religious objects.

The Goddess can also be "worshipped" in very traditional ways with flowers, being taken out to dinner, receiving presents, and so on. In many cases, these chivalrous actions might seem almost offensive, hearkening back to an older and less gender-equal time, but surely if the slave is performing them humbly and selflessly they do become a form of worship instead of a chauvinist method of courting.

Finally there is fetish worship where not only You, but the items You might wear become a potential object for worship. We have all come across "foot worship” and it is commonly known, I’m sure. But in many cases it is not so much the foot, as the shoe or boot that is being worshipped. Like many slaves I love to worship high heels, boots and other things. Again, in these cases, the "worshipping" usually involves kissing, licking, smelling, and generally showing an attitude of awe towards these items. It is the element of contact with the Goddess that becomes important. And an ideal Goddess will understand this and use it as a reward when needed. Of course, to have this refused or withheld is often an effective form of punishment.

There is so much I would want Goddess to be apart from all the above! She needs to firm but kind, compassionate but strict, know when to punish and when to reward. She must want to be worshipped but also ensure that she is worshipped in the way that is acceptable to Her. But of course, there is another side that is way from the physical and that is handing control over to the Goddess and that control may take the form of financial, sexual or whatever is acceptable.

I try very hard to have no pre-conceived idea of what a Goddess is and is not and it of course the Goddess Herself who creates Her own Goddess persona. She has got to have the desire and want to be worshipped and will accept the worship as it is intend, as an act of adoration and devotion.

So, what is a perfect Goddess? I don’t know but I do know that to me, each Goddess is perfect.

Is it just a job?

Reading the How to be a Mistress blog today, reminded me of a conversation I had whilst driving back to London after filming for The English Mansion. I had two Mistresses in the car, one from the US and one from the UK and we were talking about going to fetish clubs etc. when the Mistress from the UK said that she did not go to fetish clubs because being a Mistress was her job and she had no interest in fetish outside of that.

I was, to say the least, slightly taken aback at that remark as it was truly the first time I think I had come across a pro-Domme who say what she did as a 9-5 type occupation - get up, go to the dungeon for 11, see some clients and go home! I would say that every Mistress I have ever met has always had some interest in either BDSM or fetish outside of the dungeon and usually have become a Mistress because of the interest. Then reading the How to be etc. blog today I wondered if this was the same. Here is a lady who made a deliberate move to a place to set up a dungeon to be a Professional Mistress. Then of course, I read the rest of the blog and see that no, this is a lifestyler who has seen the light and moved from a submissive female to Dominant Mistress (hurrah) so I suspect the Mistress in question is in a very small minority. Let us hope so anyway.

Credibility - to have or not to have, that is the question.

There I am, having a chat on yahoo to a person who I am starting to like a lot, probably too much but that's a different story, when we start talking about this blog. She is only the second person I have told about it and probably the last!

I am conscious that some of the stuff I have written may seem that I can do no wrong. But that is not my intention. I have many faults and accept most of them. I am, for instance, overweight. But, I deal with it and just move on. I am, on occasion, a bit bratty and will throw my toys out and sulk from time to time. But have only portrayed the worse in others whilst setting my self up as without fault? Mostly, reading back, I have just said what was on my mind and how I felt about things. But I was, indirectly, today told that because I seem to not paint myself with faults, to an outsider who may come across this blog, it would weaken my credibility.

Now, of course, do I have any credibility? I know that I am quite well known on the fetish scene and do get asked my views on all sorts of stuff to do with fetish and BDSM. In my vanilla world, I regularly speak and present about my subject matter and would like to think that I am well regarded in what I do. So, perhaps I do have some credibility but by hiding behind the veil of anonymity I remove all that credibility. But of course, the reverse of being anonymous is that I can just comment on what I see and experience without having to compare myself to it. This blog was and will always be about what I think and what I see and feel. It will, by its nature be occasionally judgemental but that is the nature of man. We are all judgemental on one level or more, so there is no difference here.

Finally, as I write this I feel I am having to justify myself. I have no need to or desire to so no more posts where I may apologise. I am me and happy with me and therefore shall just carry on as me.

Financial Domination - addendum to previous.

OK Financial Domination is not, in all instances, a lazy way to dominate and some, a few, do put effort into what they do in terms of maintaining contact with the slaves, giving them visual treats and updates.
But, I still hold that for the majority, they just look at it as a way of getting money from guys for doing very little other than sending off the occasional email or yahoo chat.

IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO NEW GOOGLE GUIDELINES
 
Oh.. and why have I seen this picture used so many times by FD's? I am sure there is a guy in a little flat somewhere creating profiles on collareme using the same photos and the same scam.

It's my cock ok. Not Yours, mine.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

All in the family

How do you react when your Aunt seems to know a lot of the same people you do?

Let me explain. This particular Aunt is only two years older than me. At 17, I was introduced to the Blues Party scene - the early sound systems that you see regularly at Notting Hill Carnival now days and really my musical and drugs education started from there.

So, we met up for a drink the other night and just chatting when she mentioned a name. The person concerned is someone who I also know from the fetish clubs and suddenly we are bouncing names of one another. It seems that we both went through the whole rave and dance scene in the mid to late '80's and then migrated to the fetish club scene. It is a strange feeling opening up to your Aunt who I suddenly realise is the mirror of me. Both of us run close to the edge in terms the law, both of us have similar experiences with drugs, both of us refuse to accept we are closer to 50 than 30. And then, a bit of a bombshell so to speak when she starts talking about tying guys up and pouring wax on them to get her own way!

So, of course, this lead me to start thinking of the many stories you see on the likes of literotica, fictionmania etc. where the young submissive male is dominated by the Aunty in various situations. Perhaps there was truth in these tales, who knows. All I know is that I probably have to be a bit more circumspect where I spend my weekends!

How out are you?

I am often asked who else knows about my kinks. Well for me, most people who know me and the majority of my family aged between 21 and 70! I made a very conscious decision sometime ago to not hid what I was and what I liked. To me, it seemed the easiest way and also the most honest. Why should I live my life behind a veil of what others did not understand when others who had alternative sexualities could be as open as they wished. It is alright to gay and out but not a submissive and out! For me, being submissive is the core of what defines me. Similarly, my masochism is my sexuality in so many ways that to hide it would be deceitful and far to difficult.

But, recently, I find myself hesitating to tell people what exactly I am into and am using a watered down version and I don't know why. I have never been ashamed of what I like and what turns me on. And mostly, after the few jokes and whip cracking noises, the topic is forgotten and moved on. But I have never held back. If someone asked me if I like pain, I would happily tell them yes and how much! Why am I suddenly finding myself not being as open as I used to be? Nothing has really changed in my life and I am not ashamed of what and who I am in this, or indeed, any other respect. Part of me things that BDSM suddenly became very mainstream with the recent press coverage of the Max Moseley affair and what was something that I held dear to my heart became sordid and seedy and I have never wanted to be associated with anything that could be described as such. I don't know, but I do know I want to go back to the way I was, proud of being a kinkster and not ashamed of being, in so many peoples eyes, different.

Lights, camera, scream!

Had a message today from friend who happens to run one of the biggest BDSM/Femdom website's in the world asking me if I want to do some filming week after next at Ess & Emm. Of course, I would have been rude to say no, so of course I do! What's not to want?? I get to spend the whole day at one of the best play-spaces in the UK (to which I have yet to go to) and spend the day with two stunning Mistresses who will hurt me and make me suffer and it all goes on film! Is this heaven? And here is the best part.. I get paid for it as well! Does this make me a pro-sub? Sadly the answer is no but it does make me question some of my own morals.

Firstly, is this really play or is it work? Having done some work other sites in the past, I know the day tends to be long, with lots of sitting around waiting and then you have to be able to get into the scene very quickly with little build-up. I will be working with two Mistresses that I have never met before and so have to take it on trust that they are safe etc. and that the few limits I have will be adhered to. Secondly, of course,I need to speak to Mistress and ensure She is happy. There is no reason why She would say no but etiquette demands that I let Her know of such things. And finally, am I doing it for the right reasons. What, after all are the right reasons? Deep down, I have a massive exhibitionist streak and this panders to it in a massive way. The "session" will last for ever in that I can watch it whenever I wish and can relieve the feelings with each viewing. Others will see it and may well comment, again pandering to my own feelings.

All in all, it hits so many buttons that I am just amazed more subs just do not appear in films. But of course, I do know the reason. BDSM is taboo and to show your face in a BDSM film may risk exposure. But then, does it not run that if someone is watching a BDSM film and recognises me, they only reason they are likely to watching such a film is because they themselves are into the whole thing as well? Hence, I don't wear a hood when doing such things. It is almost as if I want to be recognised and see what happens if I am. Just another pandering to my bizarre set of emotions.

Pedestal - 7/10

Pedestal came and went. The new venue seems to be settling in quite nicely and the vibe is getting there. My only real comment is that because of the size of the venue, there were a lot of very empty spaces - mainly the main dance area. But other than that, it was great to see old friends and make some new as well as meet the lovely Rebekka Raynor dressed very smartly in a business style suit.

I was, as I ever am, with Mistress. I cannot really imagine being there without Mistress and the one time I was there I had a very different time and found myself chatting with a friend who runs The English Mansion BDSM site. I will say that one of my hopes did not materialise and that was to be beaten. But then, to be fair, the play-room was very crowded and busy. Still, there is always another day. Another let-down was the attendance of the after-party at The Whipping House. I wonder if this is because Pedestal is now in Nine Elms and is a good 20-25 minutes drive away, rather than the 10 minutes it used to be. We stayed for about an hour but it was just not happening so homewards and the relief in getting out of the rubber was palpable. As much as I love wearing latex, after 5 or 6 hours wearing it, the joy of taking it off is just wonderful. A good friend told me once that she loves to take off latex whilst in the shower. I need to try this sometime.

The next Pedestal is in November when it will be their 5th Birthday. I cannot believe it has been going for 5 years - I still remember the first event at Rio in 2003 and have only missed two since. Definitely a night to look out for.

Sex, and Drugs and BDSM

Eventually, I knew I would broach this topic as it seems it is one that is brushed under the carpet and never really talked about but here goes.

Firstly, I have to come clean and say that I am not totally innocent in all of this. I have taken more drugs that I can honestly remember over the years. E, Coke, MDMA, Ketamine, Amyl and very occasionally speed were the drugs of choice. Nowadays, Viagra is in the mix as well. So, why is there such a preponderance of drug usage in the fetish and BDSM scene. Of course, I can only talk about London, but it may well be the same in ever major city that has an active scene. I can remember great times in Amsterdam and Berlin where there was huge obvious drug taking, whilst in London, it seems to be slightly more circumspect with lavatories and dark corners the place of choice. From my own experience, I know that when I have taken a pill or two, I play harder and longer and end up with a lot more bruises! But the intensity of feeling, the euphoria of the moment that comes is addictive (which of course is the point of many drugs) and one that I do miss. As you may have notices, I have not mentioned Pot, Weed, Cannabis etc. Why? Well I have never smoked and therefore have never really wanted to take any of these, hence not having any knowledge of what they can do first-hand.

Of course, what makes me laugh really loudly is when I see ad's from Pro-Dommes who say they will only session with those who are drug free and yet, when I see them out and about at clubs and parties are usually totally wankered on drugs themselves! Of course, many will say this is not hypocritical, at they are putting the safety of the paying punter first. But I also see them play in clubs, so whose safety are thy putting first then? And please don't tell me that these are not paying punters, as there are many Mistress who offer to take a client to a club for a fee, so where is the line?

But I digress and have to point out that I am only highlighting an example of a Mistress offering to take paying punters to a club rather than that Mistress taking drugs..OK!.

So, is there direct correlation between drugs and BDSM/Fetish? I think yes and it comes down to personality types. For many BDSM is a way of escape, a way to live outside the accepted normal boundaries of life and be part of a community that often puts a finger up at society. It is those character types who will, by their nature, be more explorative and in turn curious about drugs. It describes many of the people I know and to a large degree myself. I don't drink, I don't smoke but I love to get out of my head now and then. Sometimes in public, more often in private with two or three others. Oh, and I mentioned Viagra at the start of the post. Gods gift to sex and drugs! That is all I have to say on that matter!

Thursday, Pedestal comes around. To be clean or to pop a pill - that is the question that I can only answer on the night.

No, I am not gay.

I have a deep, dark, secret. I love Transexuals, Shemales, Transgenders and any other description that may be applicable for the "third" sex. Especially the very few that are also dominant (of which there are very few unfortunately). But, on the rare occasion I get to meet a TS Mistress, the power play, the whole dynamic is one that I often struggle to come to terms with and understand.

I have, I want to be clear, no desire at all to submit to a Master. There is not a bone in my body that wants that. But, confronted by a TS Mistress, it is a whole different situation. The scene that unfolds is often highly sexual and at the same time, I am able to completely hand over all control to the Mistress. I know that I am not alone in this and the few Pro TS Mistresses I have met at parties and clubs all seem to charge a huge premium over the female counterparts, such is the demand for their services. I am lucky in that I am friends with a lot of the sex-worker community in London and have not yet had to pay for a session with a TS Mistress. Would I in the future? I cannot answer that but I know that the times I do play, they are some of the most interesting sessions I have had.

How can you serve me?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

BDSM Haiku

The whip sings loudly
Straining in his ropes
Growing anticipation

Another early to bed.. early the next morning that is.

Fetish/BDSM parties, as others in the BDSM blogosphere have commented, are great and who am I to disagree! Having just got home, still on a bit of an endorphic rush and unable to sleep I wanted to put down some words.

I am, I have to say, fortunate. Now in my mid forties, I have been involved in some shape or form in this lifestyle since I was 18, so coming up to thirty years. In that time I have made some great friends and it was at one of those friends that held a party last night. So, bag of toys and some bits of fetish wear in hand I turned up around 11pm and found myself in a pretty good scene with people I knew and some new faces. Now, I am, as I have alluded in my previous post, in a strange sort of, but not totally, collared relationship with someone. Trying to explain that relationship is not easy but then again, should I have to explain it as it works for the people concerned. She knew I was going to the party and I had Her permission to play if I wanted to but within some limits that She set - in this case I was not allowed to have any needle play, one of my favourite sensations. What I did not know, was that one of Her friends, who I also know has been asked by Her to not only keep an eye out for me to make sure I did not misbehave but also to try to get me to indulge in some needle play. Ok, I am a man. I am weak. My brain is connected to my cock. The needles looked great, a fan shape across my shoulders but the damning evidence is there in the pictures that were taken! I shall, not doubt, discover the consequence of my actions later but at that moment, as the last needle went in, I was in that other place that pain sluts love to be and nothing else existed. That floaty, distant sensation, when all around you vanishes except the bond between you and the instigator of your hurt. All you want is to swim in the feeling and for it to never end.

I was made to stay on my knees for about an hour, whilst others could look at the handiwork which of course I loved having somewhat of an exhibitionist streak in me. But of course, eventually the needles come out, I am cleaned up and then to snap me out of the reverie I was told what had occurred in respect of Her and the friend. Not much I could of course do at that juncture but inwardly I knew I had done bad and would suffer.

There is much more I want to write about but, now can actually feel tiredness coming on. One of the things I do want to put down in trying to understand why I did this but I suspect that will come when I am clear headed and fully awake.

She is always there

In my mind, I am not owned by Her. But of course, the is just my trying to delude myself and thinking that there is something better over the fence. Of course, I know, from experience that there is nothing that comes close to the relationship I have wiht Mistress.

After we went through a very formal collaring ceremony some time ago now and since then the dynamic of our relationship has changed to such an extent that too most people involved in BDSM, it bears no semblance to an atypical BDSM relationship. I am allowed out to play at clubs myself, I am allowed to go to parties myself and all in all, I am given a very long piece of rope to play on. What is really funny though is the so many people assume we are a couple. I suppose in many ways we are but would be best described as a non-sexual platonic Mistress/slave couple.

But of course, the reality is that the rope is always there and always connected to me. When She is away, I feel a huge sense of emptiness knowing that I cannot just pick up the phone, or ping Her on IM to chat. We have, over the last 5 years, become close friends and confidants to each other whilst still maintaining the essential elements of respect, trust and, on my part, submission. I adore all that there is about Her and love Her in a way that I struggle to describe. When I submit to Her, standing there willingly to be hurt, flogged, punished, I do so because I want for nothing else at that moment.

No matter what though, I am always there for Her and will always be Her collared slave. It is that sense of feeling, the sense of belonging that I craved for so long and only found out, over time, how hard it was to live up to the expectation and dream. But of course, BDSM is, amongst many things, about trust and finding out about each other and we are now at a place that works for us and that is probably the most important thing - it is about us. Do we care what others may say? Or course not. Why should we. When we go out to clubs or parties together, I am there for Her. The motto "To protect and Serve" could almost have been written to describe the way I feel when we are out. I feel honoured to be with Her, to be known as Her slave and to wear Her collar.

Toys for couples!

A friend pointed me to this link.. Naughty Travel Kit

Apparently it is fun-packed and is targeted at the kinky traveller! Well, personally, it does not even come close to what I would consider taking on my travels. Where are the nipple clamps, the candles, the needles, the flogger? A blind-fold, a feather and a warming massage oil does not really create a sense of kinky in my mind. But then perhaps I am just to jaded and to far up the kinky scale for that kit.

BDSM Haiku

From MVX

I hit him
with a whip.
He said:
OUCH

A slight edit..done with respect.

I hit him harder

with a whip

He cry's out loud

Pain and Pleasure

It's the weekend

And with the weekend comes the time to have fun. It has been awhile since I have been out and about to the various fetish clubs in London, but this weekend I am going to make the effort, get myself together and make it to Club Smack and with an almost guaranteed certainty over to Stunners for a sleazy Sunday.

Saturday may well be a shopping day, off to North London to visit the many fetish shops there, to indulge myself in some new latex or a new toy. Actually it will probably be both as I a greedy boy at times who can afford to indulge himself.

Sunday will be a day of rest and recovery. I don't drink when I go to clubs, preferring to have all my senses available. Already I am hoping certain people will be there, but of course I know that She won't be there, The One. The One I have been collared to, served, loved and submitted to so many times. She told me last night She was going away for a week and would miss out but I will be allowed to take Her to Pedestal in a few weeks, where I will be allowed to have my back flogged so hard it bleeds, where I will stand against the cross and accept the hurt and pain without question or hesitation because She knows that I will take more from Her than anyone else who may beat me.

I like leather/latex.. so what?

Am I wrong in saying that I have no objection to the association of fetish wear and a Mistress? Or, as some are saying, I have been poisoned by a male dominated pornography industry that seeks to stereotype the fetishistic men have of a dominatrix?
Is this image wrong? Is the person in the image just kowtowing to the majority, i.e male submissive's who expect her to look like this? Is there a chance that she may actually like dressing like this from time to time?

IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO NEW GOOGLE GUIDELINES

with thanks to Nina Birch

Ok, so I accept that some may well say that she has to dress like that because she is a pro-domme blah blah blah. But I am fortunate in that I know the person in the picture well and happen to know she likes dressing in latex. So who is she pleasing? Herself or her intended audience?
It may be that all Mistresses should be like one I know who describes herself thus:

If you are into skinny teenage girls in rubber dresses, I am not the Domme for you. If you like mature, sexually attractive, confident and assertive women, then we may well get along well.
I do not dress up in rubber, leather or PVC garments in my Domination sessions and make no apologies for it. It is not that I can’t be bothered to make the effort. It is simply that I don’t like those clothes. They don’t suit me and wearing them detracts from my pleasure. Those clothes reflect a fetish (which in my case does not exist) and bears no relation to my desire and capacity to dominate men.
During sessions I wear ‘normal’ clothes. Typically longish skirts, blouses which show off my voluptuous figure and shoes of normal height and style.

Are either correct or is one more correct than the other? Is there a right and a wrong and if there is will it ever change the way most people think of a dominatrix other than dressed as above? The caricature of a Miss Whiplash, standing legs apart, whip in hand, booted and tightly corsetted will always be there, due in part to the mainstream and tabloid press perpetuating that image. But, there will always be those who dress that way because they want to and feel no pressure when they do so.
I understand and in a huge way accept the arguments from Bitchy Jones that there should not be am expectation from anyone that this is the look to be desired. But the argument is not that simple and clean cut and never will be all the time people actually enjoy dressing up for their own pleasure as well as the pleasure of others.

At last - someone like me!

I have finally found a blog that seems to relate very much to my own feelings and desires for BDSM. By far the majority of blogs I seem to come across are about guys wanting a 24/7 relationship or they are exploring BDSM inside their marriage or (and this is the majority by far) are blogs by female submissive's of which I have zero interest. However, the power of Google Reader gave me a suggestion today to look at unspeakableaxe and hey presto, a blog by a male masochist who seems to like to play at parties, clubs etc! Having spent way to much time reading the message-boards on UK-Mistresses.com it was becoming rather depressing as I found the majority of posts and comments there just so sycophant that it was beyond belief. And when someone disagree with the swarm of resident posters there, they were soon shot down by a barrage of posts. Similarly with Informed Consent the sheer volume of posts make it impossible to follow some of the threads. So finding this blog was a big of fresh air for me.

Happiness is a girlfriend and mistress.

My most fulfilling relationship in a BDSM context was with someone who also happened to be  a Pro-Domme. For me, she was my girlfriend, lover and of course Mistress.  There was a different level of everything I had ever experienced before in terms of my submission to her, the intensity of feelings towards her and, for want of a better word, the level of play. I had/have no issue with the fact that this was also her job. Why should I? Why would it be my place to question what anyone does for a living provided it has no massive legal issues? Of course, we can debate whether Domination is Prostitution at great length if you wish and I am happy to do so. What I did realise was that when I was being hurt, there was, to put it bluntly, always a feeling that it was being done safely and from someone who knew what they were doing. I am trying to avoid to use the word professional, but ultimately that is what is was. Let me be clear, there was never a feeling that it was being done by the numbers or as a service.  Far from it as I always felt a wave of love and contentment from her that I only have experienced once before. This was what she enjoyed doing and I was happy to be the recipient of the pain and punishment.

It was almost an ideal relationship on so many levels. We both liked the same thing from the same perspective such as fetish, clubs, music and from the opposite perspective i.e pain, submission etc. But like all things, it came to an end, ironically because she wanted to stop the Prodom side and divorce herself from that whole fetish scene. As a consequence, seeing as I was a huge part of that I was no longer going to be a part of her life. I will say it affected me quite hard and caused me to totally examine what I wanted from a fetish and BDSM lifestyle and whether I really did want a relationship like this again. Of course, being a guy I hid it and being British just accepted it. That's the way we often are and in hindsight it was probably the worst way I could have dealt with it. But we move on and find new things to explore and different people to have fun with and then start again.

Its a war out there .. Lifestyle-v-Pro-Domme

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The young grow up

How weird is this..

I am a huge fan of social networks such as Facebook and Myspace. I am able to use one each for my normal "vanilla" life and the other for the part of my life that the majority would not understand. And in any event, do I want people I work with seeing that I leap around in latex in fetish clubs!

Back to the point I am making. Cruising through some pictures on a friends Myspace page, I came across a photographers name that was really familiar. Looking at her website (the photographers) she seemed to go to a lot of the same clubs as me, Torture Garden, Club Rub etc. Then it clicked that I used to work with her Dad many years ago and remembered her from when she was about 6 or 7! We had a few exchanges on Myspace to confirm that I was right, which I was, but of course agreed that it was probably best her dad did not know about this as he would probably not understand. But of course, you never know!

I am still musing over whether to post the website of the photographer as she is very good. Still not sure though so probably ask her and you will see the artist yourself.