December has to be the worse month of the year for me. Firstly it is the year end of the company i work for. The 20 business days in December are spent manically flying around Europe or latterly Middle East, closing deals for the year. This year, I was in Dubai up until the 22nd of December and it seemed that ever weekend of December had been filled with family related events. It has also meant that i have had little time for anything outside of work or family. Worse, it has meant that i have not been able to buy a gift for a very important person and this of course is something i will have to rectify. But this is the second problem. As we start January, i look at my diary and find that i am away every week until February and know that i will have little time to get anywhere else.
However, that aside what i suddenly find myself doing is missing Mistress. It is all to easy to slip into a habit of not communicating with Mistress and this i find i have done. i find myself in a familiar pattern of work, sleep, family with little regard for the other side of my life that has always been important to me. But i know that in order to do my job in the way that is needed, i have to become very blinkered and now allow any distractions to happen with the consequence that i tune out all feelings and thoughts of submission and Dominance. Of course, the down side is that as soon as i stop and start to unwind i suddenly find myself craving to submit and want to be at the feet of Mistress once again. my desire to be hurt, to submit and feel whole again never really goes away of course. It just, occasionally, has to take a back-seat in order that i can do what is needed for other people.
i think it is time that i started to session again on a more formal basis, one-2 -one with Mistress. It is only in these types of environments that i feel i can really grow and become the submissive/slave that i want to be and know that i am capable of being. So, what is the New promise? It is that, to serve Mistress in sessions and try to move forward with my slavery and collaring. i know that i have not gone away, just found myself wandering astray a bit. However, Mistress is always in my thoughts when i sit back and relax and i know that i have a huge guilt complex about having no contact for the last 5 weeks. Guilt that i can never really stop but it does act as a reminder to me that i have never stopped wanting to be collared to Mistress Diva and being a slave to Her.
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