Need

Life seems to have taken a lot of different turns over the last 6 months or so. One the one hand, I have been trying to open up to my partner and show her the BDSM side of my life but seemingly to no avail. As a consequence I still lead this secret life away from her and suspect I always will. I still post on various websites etc. as it's a way, to me, of retaining some sanity. My life, for over 30 years, has had elements of BDSM as part of it and i now realise that I cannot just walk away from it. It is as much as part of me today as it was 30 years ago. It is who I am in many respects and it dictates a lot of the decisions I make.

I find myself thinking about Mistress more and more as I know that the form of submission and freedoms I am allowed is one that found made the most sense. It was, whilst formalised and ritualised, also the most simple. There were no complications. She is the Mistress, I am the slave. Simple. The desire to submit is as ever there and will never diminish However, the last time we, for want of a better word, played was over a year ago and whilst I have had mini-session, so to speak at clubs, parties and the such the need to be hurt and submit totally to Mistress burns as strong today as it ever has. But how do I approach Mistress after so long and ask for a formal session. Of course, deep down I know how but my procrastination surprises me. Do i fear rejection? Or has the relationship changed with Mistress and we have become to friendly and therefore the dynamics of the relationship changed so much that I would be unable to get into the mind set needed for a session.