Moving on.. in many ways a bit of a horror. Not the organisers fault really but does make you wonder if you want to go again. i had forgotten of course one very important thing! At the party, i had confessed to Mistress Diva my long admiration of Her and that it was only Her going that made me want to go. But then i was knocked back a bit when She said "I know. I have wondered why You have not contacted me before". Took me aback slightly. Is She that intuitive? Or am i just that obvious?



So what to do. i had met Mistress Diva and times in the evening felt so at one, so connected it was like a bolt of lightning and the level of trust i had was immense. i could gush like this for ever, but i had a more pressing problem and probably needed some advice. Only one place to turn, confident and friend M**. So sent her a quick message and then phoned. I knew that Mistress Diva would be seeing M** that weekend and probably had some feedback to how the party went. Anyway, we caught on gossip and i told her my dilemma. As ever good advice given back. Contact Her i was told, and it would be fine. So, that was that. Made up my mind to email Mistress Diva.



Looking at the website of Mistress Diva, i noticed, for the first time, that there was a yahoo group for devotees of Mistress Diva! Fantastic i thought, i can use this to show my devotion and perhaps get to know Mistress Diva even more. So i joined. Had to wait for it to be accepted and then, nothing. The group seemed to be set up wrong. i could post but not see the posts. i also took huge risk and added Mistress Diva to my yahoo contact list. This was a huge risk of course as She would have every right to say no and refuse me adding Her. It was worth it though as i meant i could perhaps contact Mistress Diva and chat, no pressures, just be myself etc.



Few days later, on Yahoo, Mistress Diva appears on Yahoo. i ping a quick hello, how are You etc. Fantastic.. Mistress Diva responds. Interesting tag line.. "don't bore me". Will keep that in mind. Say nice to have seen You at party, apologies for the way it ended etc etc. Then tell Mistress Diva, i am thinking of going to the party at Ess&Emm. We chat some more until Mistress Diva has to go. Now of course, i cannot stop thinking about Mistress Diva and it seem that i look at Her website every day at least twice trying to gleam something else that i might have missed. i dance around the bush a bit, metaphorically, trying to show that i can be a true submissive to Mistress Diva and that i can be trusted as i know this will be an issue given the people we know in common. The chats go on, and with each chat i expose a bit more of myself and learn a bit more about Mistress Diva, Her style of domination, Her beliefs in DS etc. It seems that i am thinking of Mistress Diva with every waking moment. Very distracting, especially given the situation at work and some of the pressures there. Have to focus on work and not allow this to distract me in the way it has been doing so. In the meantime, i call Mistress Katya about the event at Her place on 31st. Say i would like to go and will confirm before the event (more of that later!). Suddenly, my birthday is upon me. God, 43 years old. Still think i have a mental age of 25. Counselling session on thursday and i know that will discuss this problem of my issues with being an adult. The yahoo chats have taken a new dimension. Mistress Diva has offered me something that i don't know how to deal with at this moment. i have never really considered a contractual relationship with a Mistress but suddenly, here it is. i am being given a chance that i suspect will never come along again and i know that i have to repond properly but also not take too long either. The last week has been interesting on so many levels. There is no "cyber" domination goin on, but i do seem to be opening my heart upto Mistress Diva in ways i don't with Jo, my real-life therapist. Well, we are almost upto to date. One more week to reflect on. But i am sure in my heart and mind that i want to be a contractal submissive to Mistress Diva and all that that entails (which i am sure will be a lot).