Pay pigs, money slave, human ATM's, cash slaves.. there are lots of descriptive terms for those who seem to want nothing more than to give a Mistress/Goddess/Princess money and get nothing in return. OK, nothing maybe harsh. They get the fleeting attention from the person they have sent money to. Or if not money, some from of gift certificate or seemingly more often nowadays something from an Amazon gift list. And it'sQ this attention that the above seem to crave more than anything. It all seems a bit..well...shallow if I'm honest. And, I suspect, a way of the unscrupulous (not all) taking advantage of those who seemingly enjoy this.
Don't get me wrong when I say this, as each of us is different, but I just don't get it. All well and good, if that's enough for you to get your rocks off. But for me.. no. I have to have more. I thrive when there is that physical contact between the Mistress and myself and i am there, in Your presence, kneeling, waiting for instruction or punishment. My own sense of wanting to serve extends far beyond just wanting to send a gift or money. My submissiveness is only fully realised when i am in the physical presence of the Mistress. A big part of that is what I am. Primarily, i'm a masochist who submits. Yes, I am also submissive but that is not the be all and end all of what make me who I am. It's complicated at times but it usually works best when I manage to find a Mistress I really connect with. It's happened maybe three times in 30 years that I have had that unspoken connection with the Mistress and I have submitted without question or hesitation and accepted whatever was meted out. I will say now that I think am close to that again but more of that later I hope.
So, for me the act of sending a monetary gift as the only form of submission does not really do anything for me. Of course though, I do like to show my appreciation to a Mistress..a birthday or Christmas gift etc but to only send money or a gift because that is what She demands has no meaning to me. There is no sense of wanting to do it, no sense of fulfillment in doing it. As I said, I need more.
Why I am writing this. Well, it's really for one person who I like and would love, one day, to meet up with. But this person (ok..Goddess), is a Fin Domme and we talk via social media now and then about this topic. Unfortunately, 140 words is not really enough to express all my thoughts and feelings on this so I'm writing here. I did send Her a gift.. once. I truly wanted to see if I could sustain a relationship like that but it was very clear to me, very quickly, that I couldn't. The ever present carrot of meeting one day was not enough to keep me giving and whilst there is a sense of regret that I will probably never meet Her, I still harbour that desire.
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