Patience

I'm rubbish at being patient. Seriously rubbish at it and both being impatient and knowing that I'm impatient annoy me. It's a weakness in me rather than anything else. Just because I want something to happen now, doesn't mean that others also feel that way.

Impatience is often described as a basic character flaw or as a "dard" personality trait and generally has two definitions -

• irritation with anything that causes delay;
• a restless desire for change and excitement;

With me, it's the second. When I know something new is going to start, of course I get excited at the possibility of that and the change it's going to bring. And I want it to happen now, all the while knowing that patience will bring it's own reward in the long term. New adventures cannot be rushed but once I've made my mind up to make the change I want it to happen immediately or at least, as soon as quickly as possible. 

So, yes I'm impatient, yes I'm aware of that, but can I change that. I'm not sure. I can control it as I have to often. But in psychological terms it's a chief feature and it it's usually as a result of events back in childhood. This in turn leads to a behaviour trait and coping strategy such as a persona to hide issues such as a constant fear and sense of insecurity and worse, misconceptions about the nature of self and life. It's a pretty negative behaviour to have. Interestingly it's more often than not also associated with those who suffer with hypertension (something I have had since my 20's), 

Maybe this post is just a way of venting my inner frustration and desire to control that impatience as I know, that if what I am frustrated about goes forward, it's something I will will just have to deal with and put to the back of my mind.