Behave

I am mildly excited! For the first time in ages i am going to Pedestal. It has been almost 9 months since I last went so this will be something I am really looking forward to. But the thing that will make it strange is that I am going alone without Her. That is something new. We spoke last week, before She went away and I asked if I could go and was told I can but have to behave. That's a hard word, behave. I will be there, in a room full of Dominant females, many of whom I know and I have to behave! I am sure I will, well mostly.

So, Pedestal next week and I will write more after that, after I have behaved.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

I was asked recently by someone who had read my blog how much of what I had written was true. I have to be honest that I was slightly taken aback by the question seemed to imply that I was either making up the content or, at the very least, exaggerating the reality. The fact is that all that have I written about, when I talk about events, rather than my thoughts of findom etc have happened. And this is only the stuff I write about! Over the years there has been a lot more that I have never written about, parties I have been to, events at clubs or in sessions that for a BDSM outsider would seem almost implausible and stuff of fantasy.

One of the real pleasures of the life I have, from a fetish and BDSM perspective, is that very few things are taboo and if you want to try something new there are always people who will indulge you, assuming that is that what you want is legal etc. There are certain things that I can never understand such as castration (I love my cock way to much) which seems to be quite a common request to Mistresses or scat. Big no no having lived with a micro-biologist for many years! Otherwise I am open to pretty much anything and never really stop looking for new experiences. Whether I then write about them or not is something that I tend to think about. There is a part of me still that steers clear of criticism about my activities. I know areas such as strangulation, breath control etc cause deep divisions within the BDSM community so I avoid talking about them for that reason. In the same way, I have strong views of BDSM and sex that run contrary to many others especially those involved in PD. But I respect those views and therefore keep mine private. So, the stuff I write about, the thoughts I have are all mine and have all happened. And long may they continue to be so. With some exciting events coming up in the next month or so, I will be writing more I promise.

Collarme.com and why I hate it so much

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Ready for my close-up..

Once again I found myself involved in one of my favourite activities, that of filming for a BDSM site, in this case The English Mansion. Without doubt, this is probably one of the best sites from the UK, if not globally and it is always a fun day filming with them.

For the first time I worked one on one with the renowned and wonderful Mistress Sidonia who introduced me to a new painful pleasure, that of anal whipping. In brief, after being secured to a whipping bench, additional straps were then used to pull my arse cheeks further apart, Mistress Sidonia commenced using a variety of single tails on my arse hole. The pain was, as expected, quite intense but it was one of those moments when I forget who else is there and sink very quickly into that which we call sub-space, the endorphins giving me a rush as the pain very quickly becomes pleasure. This is something I will repeat given the immense feelings it gave me. When pictures are made available, I will see if I can post some.

Forced Intoxication

Of course I had heard of forced intoxication, or forced intox, many times. But up until last night I had never really experienced it and now, well it seems I have under the influence of a lot of whiskey promised to be the slave of a Goddess I have known online for a long time.

Let me paint the scene. I cam home from the pub around 10.00pm in a pretty happy mood. Jumping online to check a few things I saw that Goddess was online on YM. A quick hello and then suggested I look at her cam. Always a treat I have to say! One thing led to another as if often does with the weaker sex (i.e submissive males) and I find myself with a huge glass of Jameson's in my hand being told to drink it. Do that and start to feel the effects. Now I have had, for many years, a strong fetish of wearing satin panties as well as, shall we say, sissy panties. Goddess knows this as i have told Her and indeed sent Her pictures at Her request of me doing so. So, of course, I am told to put some panties on and being now quite pissed, pull on a very frilly pair of pink satin panties given to me some ago by the lovely Mistress Sindy Silver, now sadly retired. Standing up in front of my webcam that is now on, I am Hers. Of course, being drunk I do not really get the humiliation but that will come later when I am sober. More acts of humiliation follow all of which I have had to really think hard to remember as I was told to get more drink and drink that as well. She wanted me very drunk for what was to follow and the only way I know what happened was being able to piece together the clues the next day.

It seems I not only used my butt plugs for Her, apparently I measured my dick on camera. Now in my defence, I was drunk and could not have got an erection even if I wanted so of course I am open to total ridicule for the size of my penis. I will say I never get complaints when I am sober and aroused! Also, I have agreed, so I am told, to extended chastity. This of course brings me back to previous posts on chastity and why it is so quickly demanded. But agree I did and this will be done to Her instructions. A lock is being sent to me by Goddess for this purpose. A clever move as I have no control over the removal of the CB6000 in this case.

So, thanks to the evils of drink I find myself about to be caged again, humiliated on cam and now known as having a small cock. Only one can be defended but that will be difficult once it is locked away.

How much more mainstream can it get??

Today, reading the online edition of The Sun I realised that my fetish clubbing days could be over! For those that do not know her, or are unaware of her, in the UK we blessed (irony) with having one of the most publicity seeking individuals ever born who goes by the name of Katie Price, AKA Jordan whose life is regularly lived through the tabloids and commercial TV (and for the sum of £2 a month you can follow her on her website!!)

Recently it seems she went to a Masked Ball for Halloween in Hampton Court, the Bloodlust Ball, and from there onto Torture Garden where I had the misfortune to see her and her merry band arrive in a way that only meant she was there to have her picture taken and get some media inches.

Now Torture Garden is OK. Not my favourite club as it has always been more about being seen to be there than BDSM so I probably only go a couple of times a year. But now, I read this and it seems that Miss Price may well be attending TG every month.

Fortunately Jordan, Katie Price, call her what you will, is going to be out of the country for awhile appearing on I'm A (micro)Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (IACGMOOH), the show that tries to resurrect failed showbiz careers, and therefore will not be attending TG for a few months. But what happens when she comes back? Can we expect to see her and her entourage at other London clubs? Will Pedestal suddenly become her regular haunt? What about Club Rub or Subversion? It is the duty of the owners of these clubs to ban her and I hope they do. The majority of clubbers do not want her there, of that I am sure and I am confident she would be totally ignored by most people if she were to turn up.

When publicity hounds such as this start to attend clubs you know it is over. They have lost their mystique and almost their cachet. Maybe it is time to hang up the chaps and just indulge in private. Time will tell and I suspect that actually, we will never see her again. Who knows.

Memories

Today, I met my favourite ever Domme/Mistress. Having moved away from London 5 years ago, to go back to Australia I was left in a strange sense limbo that took sometime to leave me. I had found with this Mistress someone who I could, without hesitation or condition give myself to totally. I never questioned what was going to occur and felt so safe it is hard to describe.

Then tonight, over dinner, all those feeling came rushing back in a flood of emotion that led to me outpouring my feelings I had at the time and how affected I was by her leaving. All this may seem very selfish but at the time I felt as if I would never find anyone to connect with again on the same level as I had with Her. But of course, things moved on and I did come serve a Mistress who took me on a very different journey to that I had been on and exposed me to areas of BDSM such as High Protocol where I found myself in an BDSM situation that I felt very at home with given the set of rules I was expected to exist within and my each and every action being dictated.

But just sitting opposite her last night, I felt all those emotions and desires well up again and a big part of me wanted to just kneel before Her and as I had done some many times in the past give myself over to Her without hesitation or conditions.