It seems to have been so long since I last truly submitted and gave myself over without question, hesitation and unconditionally. The need that used to burn so strongly inside of me had gone away, or at the very least, had become less needy. But a chance invitation to a weekend away in Cornwall with some friends has changed that. It has shown me that really the desire is always there, the need to be owned will never go away.
Old feelings and desires were reignited and new experiences learnt. An inner fear was addressed and overcome, a barrier broken down. Even today I sit and bear the marks of a sustained beating across my back and shoulders with a feeling of happiness and inner satisfaction. I look down and can see the small marks left from the needles and know that I shall never not want that feeling of submission and pain. The chemical releases from the body, the high from endorphins coupled with the mental pleasure are so addictive that I had just been suppressing the need but now is it back as strong as ever.
So I have to thank those who made my weekend so memorable, so worthwhile and for allowing me to be the person I want to be rather than the person I have to be.
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