i finally have to admit to myself that i am an attention junkie. i miss not having contact with Mistress Diva. It's almost as if i need Her presence to tell me that what i am doing is right. i need Her approval for my actions or if not forthcoming Her guidance on how i should be doing things.



The inner feeling of submission to Mistress Diva is probably, to me, one of the most surprising elements of my slavery. It is something i did not realise would happen and indeed did not even know existed. But it's as if someone has opened a new part of me that was always there, just waiting for the right key to come along. There is a safe, warm feeling that exists all the time but is heightened when i am doing something directly related to Mistress Diva, such as this log for example. It's as if all i knew or had done before has suddenly become clear and given me a path that has lead me to being a collared slave. In my own mind, i know that this is what i want and at this moment it is right. Before now, i suspect i would have not wanted it or could not have given it the respect it deserves. Such is my feeling of pride, a sin in many cultures, that i never want to hide the fact of who and what i am to others.