i have just got home after being with Mistress Diva. Logged on, went to Mistress's yahoo group and then cried in happiness. My poem to Mistress Diva was there for all to see. i was overcome totally seeing it there as it was so unexpected. It made my heart swell with joy and my eyes swell with tears. Quite conflicting really but none the less, it's how i felt.





On the way home, i was thinking about where things and whether i have progressed. i feel i have and each day i think of Mistress Diva and how best i can serve Her. Being in a vanilla relationship as well does of course give me some constraints that i have to live within. But within those constraints i do feel that i am starting to focus more on Mistress Diva as Mistress and Goddess than i ever have with anyone else before. But this is only to be expected really given that i have never entered into this type of DS relationship before.



i posted a message on Mistress Diva's yahoo group. In part it goes towards explaining how i feel about submission and is quite personal. It was something i thought about some time ago and how being a submissive affected me. Like all things it also tears away another layer of myself and exposes it to Mistress Diva. i have an internal battle raging in that i know i have to expose myself in this way, let Mistress Diva inside me and see who i am, but at the same time it has been so long, indeed if ever, that i have let anyone get this close to knowing who i really am that i can feel myself resisting. My moods seem to swing so easily from elation to sadness and back again. Mistress Diva does make me happy but when i realise i have done something wrong i drop. Something for me to work on. i still have two things to write for Mistress Diva and neither are proving easy to me at the moment. Maybe this is causing me anguish without me realisng it but they will be done because i have both been asked to and i want to.



Its late and my mind starts to wander so best i go.